It’s been over 10 months since initial reports exposed the abuse that took place between Ray Rice and his wife (then-fiancée) Janay Palmer. However, new evidence and developments since then have consistently kept the story in the news, and apparently, it’s still not done grabbing headlines.
Although the event occurred in February, it didn’t really come to a head until September, when footage from a security video was released that captured the incident in its entirety. In the video, Rice is seen hitting Palmer across the face, causing her to fall into the elevator railing and become unconscious. In the last few moments of the tape, Rice is confronted by a security guard while attempting to drag Janay’s body out of the elevator. As Rice is talking to the guard, Janay slowly begins to regain consciousness in the background.
Now, another tape from that night has surfaced, and it revealed the aftermath of the infamous incident. The new video posted by ABC News contains 45 minutes of footage directly following the aforementioned events. According to the article, the video “shows Palmer going through something of an emotional evolution in the middle of the night. Almost immediately after the assault, she appears angry. Soon after, Palmer begins to cry. And by the time she and Rice are both escorted into an elevator—handcuffed—she appears to kiss and nuzzle the one-time NFL star.”
The new tape has sparked further discussion on the topic of spousal abuse, and criticism surrounding Janay’s decision to marry Rice just a few weeks later. While the first tape showed the awful abuse, what’s disturbing about the second is just how quickly Janay seems to forgive Rice. Less than an hour after getting hit, she’s already back in his arms. Her lack of shock in the wake of the attack has some questioning whether it really was the only instance of abuse in their relationship.
Even though she’s been adamant that the attack was an isolated incident, from an outsider’s perspective Janay seems to show quite a few characteristics of someone in an abusive relationship. She almost immediately forgives him in the second video, and in an interview earlier this year, she made excuses for him, attributing his actions to “humanness.”
Even if it was an isolated incident, it’s still hard not to question why, even after the media backlash, Janay would choose to stay with Rice. If she ended things, she would have had the public on her side along with the law, undoubtably allowing her to be physically and financially secure. She’s getting pressure tenfold from what a non-celebrity in the same situation would receive, and yet she’s still defending the man who spat on her repeatedly and knocked her unconscious.
Adam and Eve’s go-to sexologist and relationship expert, Dr. Kat Van Kirk, has (among other degrees) a master’s in counseling psychology with a post-graduate degree in marriage, family and addictions therapy from Ottawa University. In a recent blog post, Dr. Kat said that many women date guys who are jerks or abusive because they’re lured in by their charm. The man’s cockiness and self-centered attitude is misread as confidence, which women are attracted to. Also, having a wealth of money at their disposal, such as Rice does, only makes the illusion worse. Many times, it is because the woman believes she couldn’t do any better, and she trades financial stability and charm for real love or even her own safety.
As Psychology Today explains, the realm of abuse is complex and each individual is different. The most important fact to remember is to avoid behaviors that are counterproductive to helping the victim, such as blaming them for their own situation. For example, the mindset that it wouldn’t happen if they didn’t stay is just that—blaming the victim. In cases like these, the person needs to know that they are supported outside of their relationship. The last thing they need is to have their self-esteem lowered by someone telling them that their choices are stupid.
No one—man or woman—deserves to be hit. Anyone who engages in doing so certainly isn’t doing it out of any form of love, no matter what his or her excuses may be.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, know that you never have to stay and that there are helpful resources at your disposal. Visit the The Hotline for more information.
