Unless you’re running off to Vegas with your love to get hitched by an Elvis impersonator at a chapel on the Strip, you’ll no doubt have to address the most burning-yet-stressful of questions: Who should I invite to my wedding?

But whether you’re getting married in a small garden and want to invite a handful of close friends and relatives or the ceremony will take place in a huge church, you’ll have to determine who ultimately will make the cut. Granted, the latter example might make it easier to decide, but by the time you, your honey and your parents all weigh in on who should be in attendance, it’s amazing how quickly the list can grow.

So, with all of this in mind, the following tips can help make this often-challenging task less stressful:

Create a Starter List with Your Sweetie

Sit down with your sweetheart, pour some strong coffee or the adult beverages of your choice, and create a solid starter list of who the two of you want to attend your special day. Experts suggest starting with your immediate family, then other relatives who you love dearly.

Next, start naming your closest friends, the ones you know super well and communicate with or see all the time. While this won’t be the final list, it’s a good starting point and will likely include many of the names your folks hope to invite as well.

Consider Plus Ones and Kids

This question alone can cause many a bride- or groom-to-be to get a serious headache. With that in mind, decide before you send out the save the date cards and invitations whether you want children to attend, and remember this may not be a black and white/yes or no issue.

If your BFF who is your matron of honor has children you’ve known since they were babies, you may love it if they can attend. On the flip side, you might not want super young kids there who may get bored and fussy during the ceremony.

The same goes for the plus one question. In general, if the budget allows and someone you want to attend is in a long-term relationship, you likely want to include both. And if you have lots of money for catering and plenty of the space in the venue, you can allow single guests to bring a date.

Here’s the main point: It should be crystal clear on your save the date and wedding invite envelopes who is invited. That means don’t be shy about calmly advising someone who assumes otherwise that their significant other or child is included.

Use Save the Date Cards

Once you have the list whittled down and ready, start working on addressing your save the date cards. If you’re on the fence about sending them, they truly are a great way to help your guests plan to attend. Plus, they’ll also give you a preliminary headcount well before the formal invites go out. If there’s a chance that you could change the date? then you can also get change the date cards!

As for where to shop for them? Consider a website like Minted.com, which features a solid selection of both formal and informal invitations and save the date cards — and which include plenty of room to specifically note who’s invited to your big day.

You’ve Got This!

While it can be challenging deciding who to invite to your wedding, it doesn’t have to make your heart beat rapidly and your head pound. By taking it step by step, working with your sweetie and keeping the budget and venue size in mind, you have what it takes to come up with a solid list of people who matter most to you.